Love's Balance

​

I have planted a seed 

in the soil of my heart 

and showered it with

the outflow of all the love 

that I possessed

 

And let it grow

into a shape unknown

varieties of beautiful flowers

springing from its branches

 

Yet, beauty is the keeper of pain

and love, an omen of struggle

and happiness, the forewarner of hardship

for “this too shall pass”

and all good must turn bad

and all bad, good

transmuting into their opposites

 

For as I cared for my flowers

admiring their petals and leaves

I began to feel stings

uncovering the many thorns

that lined their stems

 

And they stabbed into me

like an assailant plunging a dagger

that I stupidly handed over

slowly and painfully into my heart

looking into my eyes

kissing me

promising me

And I wondered

if the thorns were worth the flowers

all the beautiful flowers

that I would miss

and never see grow

if I cut this plant

and dwelled on its thorns

that had drawn blood 

from my hands

 

And, before my mind

could weigh love’s balance

my heart had already decided

and a feeling slowly crept 

into my consciousness

informing me 

of my heart’s choice

a discomforting feeling

an unstoppable force

a storm beyond my control

slowly forcing me

to uproot this plant

a union I thought 

was beyond ephemerality

until I was struck

by the lightning 

of my heart’s wishes 

 

And when I uprooted my flowers

and the dark clouds parted

and the sun returned 

from its rest

I wondered

when my hands have healed

from all the thorns it met 

tending to this plant

 

Would I be ready,

again?

to grab the revolver,

again?

and spin the barrel,

again?

and press it to my temple,

again?

and hope it’s empty,

again?

 

Playing Russian roulette

with five bullets

in the six's barrel

handing people knives

to tear my heart apart?