Love's Balance

​

I have planted a seed

in the soil of my heart

and showered it with

the outflow of all the love

that I possessed

and let it grow

into a shape unknown

varieties of beautiful flowers

springing from its branches

and as I cared for the flowers

admiring their petals and leaves

I began to feel stings

uncovering the many thorns

that lined their stems

how they stabbed into me

like an assailant plunging a dagger

that I stupidly handed over

slowly and painfully into my heart

looking into my eyes

kissing me

promising me

how I wondered

as our gaze locked

if the thorns were worth the flowers

all the beautiful flowers

that I would miss

and never see grow

if I cut this plant

and dwelled on its thorns

that had drawn blood

from my hands

but before my mind

could weigh love’s balance

my heart had already decided

before my mind did

a feeling slowly crept

into my consciousness

informing me

of my heart’s choice

a discomforting feeling

an unstoppable force

a storm beyond my control

slowly forcing me

to uproot this plant

a union I thought

was beyond ephemerality

until I was struck

by the lightning

of my heart’s wishes

one I uprooted my flowers

and the dark clouds parted

and the sun returned

from its rest

I wondered

when the day would come

when my hands had healed

from all the thorns it met

tending to this plant:

on that day:

would I be ready,

again?

to grab the revolver,

again?

and spin the barrel,

again?

and press it to my temple,

again?

and hope it’s empty,

again?

would I be ready,

to play russian roulette

with five bullets

in a six barrel pistol?

how I was tired

of handing people knives

to tear my heart apart