Thy Pain is My Pain

let the Lord bear me witness
my love for thee
is the expression of an intention:

that my one true intention for you
is what God hath intend —
an intention privy only to you
and the Lord Himself

and so how it pains me
when the light of my soul,
my very actions in this world,
are corrupted by the shadow
of my ignorance and sin
from my one true intention for you

how in the time the sun

hath dawned and set
I have earned another charm

round the chain on my neck:
bowing my head in permanent humility
to the mistakes I have wrought
to the mistakes I chose not to forget
to the mistakes I chose not to forgive
even if the Lord Himself may

how in my state of baselessness,
in utter irredeemability,
I find myself in prayer:

“Oh, Lord!
I have sinned,
I have been cast out by my own hand,
into a dry desert of my own making.
how I deserve no reprieve and yet,
from the heaven of Thy mercy,
thou bestoweth a drop of rain
that burns and cracks my salted lips."

Oh my Lord,
in the heat of my failure,
my only path to redemption
is to treasure Thy drop of life
in giving me wisdom and strength
to leave this desert of mistake,

and make my journey to it,

one whose worth was to learn,

how to never see it again.

for I will use Thy Wellspring of Strength,
of which my own I have none,
to make meaning of my transgression
from Thy path to the desert of my unworthiness:
the meaning of knowing I have strayed,
and how to not be fooled astray
into that same desert.”

I have learned of my mistake.
I still have much to learn of it.
but I will learn it and be better.
I will mend Thy wings and, if need be,
breathe out all the effort of air in my lungs

warmed by my heart’s love for you
to see thee fly once again
in the heaven of our union