My Boat

I chart a sea

with massive waves

and blistering winds

seeking to

destroy me?

lead me astray?

or assist me?

 

for the sea

does not hate

nor does it love

it simply exists

only abiding by 

the natural flow

of reality

lacking the nuance

of consciousness

like our own

 

and when the waves

misguide me

I curse it 

for I can not help

personifying and applying 

my moral compass

to randomness itself

an urge reflecting

the limitations

of being sentient

fighting the impulse 

to apply

my understanding

of being “good” and “just”

to an indifferent universe

in an attempt to understand

why this world 

works the way it does

 

but I can no longer

give into randomness

drifting at sea

on a fixed path

powerless

to change my direction

 

for no matter the waves 

no matter the winds

I chart this sea

in my ship

that I

and only I

am the captain of

 

And even if

countless storms

throw me 

off course

this is still 

my fucking ship

and I will point the bow

at the promised land

even as 

I am torn 

into a million pieces

sinking alongside 

my ship

capsizing

with dignity and strength

sailing towards my goal

to the bitter end

using all 

that is left of me

to attempt to walk

the path

I choose to chart

 

for I can drift no more

and shall seek

with all my remaining strength

to kindle the fire

of my soul

and see it erupt 

once again

with hope

for I am a wick

needing to be relit

and who 

but myself

and only myself

can be 

my lantern-lighter?